My family friend Katie sent my mom, sister and me cards for every holiday we faced after my dad died. From our birthdays to Father’s Day to Valentine’s Day to Christmas and everything in between, we received a card from Katie letting us know that she was thinking of us and she was thinking of my dad. These cards were my lifeline during my first year of grief.
I felt the void of my dad so much on holidays. He was always a big fan of celebrations, sending cards, and letting everyone around him know how much he loved them. Until he died, I’d never experienced a holiday without receiving a card from him. He always mailed valentines to me, even when I was young enough to live with him, just so I could enjoy the experience of pulling a stamped envelope from the mailbox. The cards from Katie helped to soften the blow of the loss of Dad cards on special days.
Katie seemed to know right away the three things I needed to hear most: 1.) People beyond my family think about, miss, and love my dad. 2.) People beyond my family think about, care about, and love me. 3.) It sucks that my dad is not here.
Her cards always acknowledged my loss, paid tribute to my dad, and sent love my way. Beyond the cards, we (my mom, sister, and I) received texts on all the holidays from her too — thinking of you, sending love, missing him. It was exactly what I always needed to hear and I really cannot overstate how much this meant to me.
Grief is lonely no matter what — even when enveloped in a supportive, loving community, I still carry my own loss in a way that no other person can touch or feel, even those who carry their own similar losses. I still have nights when I lie awake alone in my grief while my husband sleeps next to me. I still think about my dad and feel an ache that words could never properly describe.
But the support helps. The cards and texts help. To know that others are thinking of him and thinking of me — it helps. There is a difference between being lonely and alone. Though I always have lonely moments, I am never alone in my grief.
In grief and with love,
KrissyMick
Photo Credits, Top to Bottom: Martin Forbes, Martin Forbes, Katie Ardt, Katie Ardt, Katie Ardt